The journey towards self-love is love itself

Marialyce: Hi, Devina, I was just reading a couple of your blog posts and, wow! I love the voice that you are bringing to life. I think it is so desperately needed. It has intrigued me to learn more about your story and your motivation. You are a single parent, immigrant, and an author. Can you please share your story with us?

Devina: You know we all go through so much in life and we all have stories. As a fat, chubby, loud woman “Sexy Brilliant” is my purpose.  There was a point in my life when I moved to Canada and I did the regular 9-5 thing. I tried to fit in. I went to university, had an arranged marriage and did everything by the book, because that’s how you fit in and that’s what is expected from you. Then my arranged marriage ended and I was lonely, depressed, and horny.  Pardon me to say this but it’s the truth. 

I was lonely, I was broke, I was emotionally bankrupt. I was hurt and I wanted to find love. So, what happened to me was instead of going within me to find love I ended up with a dating addiction on Craigslist. I would come back from work, go on Craigslist and get high on anonymous messages. And, anything that gives you a high from outside is an addiction. That could be gambling, that could be drinking, that could be sex or whatever it is. Now when I look back at it, I have gone through a lot of therapy and self-healing. 

Although I knew intellectually that this process was wrong, I could not get out of it. I was getting so high from this anonymous chatting that I fell into it and stayed there. I did not even realize that it was an addiction. Only after I have gone through self-work and personal development, I can now say that I am in recovery from my addictions. The same thing with gambling or partying. When you are in it, you do not realize it. And in the tough times we live in today, we are all addicted to something or the other. Today the most common addiction we have is the phone. 

And addiction can happen to anybody irrespective of his or her age, socio-economic background, or  gender and that’s exactly what happened with me. I come from India and in my culture especially for women our identity is based on having a relationship, on having a marriage, a husband and to be the provider, to be the homemaker, to be the mother, to have that family is very important for us. And so, I was far away from my parents,  I was a full-time single mother and I was trying to fulfill the purpose I was supposed to fulfill. While living it, I did not realize I could actually go through this.

Marialyce: Thank you so much for that honest introduction. I really appreciate that and I identify with it in my own way.  And, you know, people use all kinds of things to fill that hole inside. It’s not a straight path out and you never know when you’re in it, which is why people don’t stop. They don’t think that they are doing anything wrong.

Devina: Well, there is so much shame around addiction, or being single, gay or liking sex, whatever it is.  We live in a society and in a culture which constantly shames us and tells us WE ARE NOT ENOUGH. Which means it stops us from being ourselves. 

Marialyce:   It sounds like one of the things you explored. I would like to hear more about how you found your real identity. Because I think every culture has its own kind of set identity that people are supposed to fulfill and then break out of that, figuring out maybe that I don’t fit there. So, I would really like to know how you found yourself  and became your authentic self, because it’s risky to do something different.

Devina: It is and one of the stories that I remember is, I had gone back to university and I was sitting by the river. I was in the forest and I was meditating.  I looked at the water and said, “Oh my life would be so much easier if I just jumped in and killed myself.” I was standing there and I know that, there is no purpose in living because I am a failure, I  have lost everything. I have neither meaning, nor purpose with that addiction. I was like, I should just jump in. And then, I reflected and I said, “It’s easier to jump in, it’s easy to end my life, kill myself and be over. But then I would leave hurt parents; hurt children; there would be a lot of pain that I would leave behind. Isn’t there something that I can do that would stop this pain and would lead to transformation?” So, I was questioning myself, and it’s very difficult, because it’s dark and nobody wants to face themselves in the mirror and say this is who I am. That person in front of me is really ugly not because of the exterior but because of the interior. It’s a constant self-study, constantly working through your issues and saying, “Killing myself is easy but what are my other options?” So, then coming back to the circle, having that realization that my life is worth it. I have responsibilities and what can I do? Can I give myself another chance?” Those were the questions I asked myself.  Then, that little voice that said yes, you can, you’re so worth it! You’re not your addiction, you’re not your failure, you’re not your relationship, you’re so much more. So, for me that was that turning point where I didn’t jump into the water. And by constantly questioning I had found “Sexy Brilliant”. It was nowhere in my radar. I was going back to the University, I used to be a full time dog walker, and then I said enough of moving towards something different. Well, this was of course after investment banking. I was listening to that inner voice that says, “Quit investment banking because you’re miserable. Okay, what’s next? Don’t know anything about dogs, but I’m gonna become a dog walker. So, after dog walking what’s next? Okay, let’s go back to university. Okay, what’s next after university? Don’t know”. It’s the unknown that we fear. But there’s that little voice inside that keeps saying, “Let’s go find out what’s next. Let’s go see what the excitement is. Let’s go see what we learned”. So, by being open to change you can say, okay, you know what, the path  opens up in itself. And this is the truth. We don’t know what we are doing. However, by staying committed to our purpose, whether that purpose is to walk the dog or to drop the kid at school or to do this karate class on a Friday night, by staying committed we make things happen. And, then it leads to next thing and then next. It’s a constant self-study, inner discovery and I wrote something to that and I said, “Self-study is the original sexy!”

Marialyce: Yeah, I get that. But, it does not feel sexy though. I mean really, it does not feel sexy. But it is, right? People who are authentic, people who are striving to be authentic. Those are the ones right now the world wants to hear from. I think there’s a reason people love Ellen. She just kind of owns who she is, right?

Devina: Yeah, and the same thing with Oprah, same thing with Gary Vaynerchuk, right. These are the people who own themselves. But I want to say something. It’s not always easy. There’s a lot of darkness, there’s a lot of people, your friends, your partner, your parents, people immediately next to you, who when they see you changing, are going to fear for you and try to stop you. It’s because they are afraid of the unknown. So, we have to be very mindful that we don’t let our parents’ fear, our partner’s fear, our friends’ fears, alter our purpose, and we stay committed to our mission. I have so many degrees but I was coming  back to that addiction. I have an addictive personality. So, for me I get addicted to things. Whether that’s dating, whether that’s studying, whether that’s being OCD about ‘Sexy Brilliant’. So, that addiction is also like my personality. I can’t run away from it. But I can be mindful of it. I can seek help, therapists, coaches and doing this is healing as well. So, sharing my story is another way of healing, another way of growing as a person. Not running away from your emotion, not running away from your darkness that’s key as well. 

Marialyce: So, tell me a little about how you approached dealing with your parents, your partners as you changed? You moved away from your family. So, what are the kind of things you did to help yourself and help them?

Devina: I’m very close to my parents and they’re often visiting me in Canada and they live in India. So, one of the things that I noticed about my parents is their fear. They were born to refugees from Pakistan into India. My grandparents lost everything. They had no money when they were forced out of their homes. They had very little money when they were children.  That was their upbringing where my grandparents lived in a refugee camp and they were struggling to survive. So, my parents story is one of fear. They have that scarcity mentality. So, it’s by saying this is who you are, it’s not necessarily my story. Can I separate myself from my parents? It’s not to say that I don’t love you. I respect you, I love you but my story is different. I’m in Canada and I have access to fresh water. It’s a very simple thing; a very small thing but many people in Africa or India don’t necessarily have water, right? So, pay attention to your story and then say is this my story or is this merely the story of somebody behind me? So, just by being mindful of those stories that we constantly hear, we can then say you know what, I am now no longer that story, I am no longer that pain and I can move over it and become a different person. When I first started the Sexy Brilliant Global Revolution my parents were like, “What are you doing?” They said go back to school, go back to your job. And I said, yeah of course, I mean who doesn’t want the stability of money and I would listen to them. I would say, “Can I just try this for six months?” My parents are very controlling. And, in these six months, I started figuring out what “Sexy Brilliant” was and that part of entrepreneurship where you’re like, “I don’t know what I’m doing but I’m doing it”. So, those six months turned into a year and I just kept asking them for more time. I liquidated my assets. I knew money would come in and my mission and purpose are more important than finances. And, this is something that I really want to share. Don’t let money come between you and your dreams. That’s a very important lesson. So, I would always question.  And then what started happening was people around my parents started talking about my work. So, they were like…oh! Your daughter? She’s doing so well she’s so positive and she’s talking about “Sexy Brilliant”. And then my parents would be like, “What?” So, there was that switch and that switch didn’t come from me. It came from a third party that validated me. So, it was an interesting experience and then all of a sudden my parents were supportive of my work. They wanted to help me with everything. That shift in their story, their support, it didn’t happen overnight. Nothing happened overnight including a business. So, the faith over the fear. Keep faith in yourself and stay committed if you find something that speaks to you. For me, I was always looking for my purpose. But the interesting part was my purpose: “Sexy Brilliant” was also looking for me. So, at some point it’s coaching, therapy, mentoring, healing, reading etc. You name it I have done it all. Reading, learning from people around me, traveling, and experiencing new things. The fear was there. But having that courage to experience new things is part of the journey. 

Marialyce: I want to move into what you touched on self-acceptance. In your blog too, you talk a lot about self –acceptance. And, can you paint for us what self-acceptance means to you and then how that shows up in your life? Like, through your behaviors, your actions. Because I think that we hear a lot about accepting who you are rather than worrying about what other people think. Everybody has been hearing that as a child. My mom says, “Why do you care what they are saying? You are good enough as who you are.” And I was literally watching one of Brene Brown’s TED Talk about worthiness and wholeheartedness. This is very much talked about in our culture, but I don’t feel we talk about how you do it? And how does that show up in someone’s life?

Devina: Self-acceptance! I’m just thinking about how to frame it right now. So, one of the ways of self-acceptance is continuous growth, continuous looking within. And then it’s to not run away from yourself. No part of you is your own enemy. So, whether that is your fat body, your emotions or your ambitions. Each part of you is a friend of yours.  To say that first I acknowledge you, I validate you and then from there awareness is the next step towards creating more self-acceptance. The one tool I used for myself is I look in the mirror and I say I’m so sexy, I’m so brilliant. Always sexy and always brilliant. Louise Hay talks about it, mirror therapy. Use the tools that we have. And, of course now there is this phototherapy where I’ll take a picture of me. And I look at myself and I’m like, I’m so fat but then I realize I deserve love and kindness. It doesn’t matter how big you are. I cut my hair and I don’t like it and then I take pictures and admire myself, that is phototherapy. I share this tool in my book. So, constantly working on it but not looking at it as work. Words we use are very powerful. I just say I’m loving myself. I’m loving myself to more self-acceptance because the journey towards self-love is love itself. 

Marialyce: I love what you said, that no part of me is my enemy. I feel like that’s such an important thing especially for women to hear, right? That there’s no part of my body that is my enemy.  It’s just me. Our society wants to put a value on things in order to put them in a place or box. It’s demeaning.

Devina: It is indeed demeaning. But that’s how that fear works, that desire to stay in a box. This is how we commercialize our emotions. And I know there are a lot of women reading this. We should talk about emotional strength as well. Because we women have it.  This is our gift. But in relationships we are told we are so emotional. There is nothing wrong in being emotional. It’s a gift. Just because you can’t understand emotion doesn’t mean you should stop feeling it. That’s very important to understand being leaders. That’s what I learnt as well. People will try to change you. So, always be true to yourself.  Know yourself. Know who you are. Know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Then practice radical self-acceptance. 

Marialyce: I have to remember in my own life that when I have these feelings like anxiety and emotions they are trying to communicate something to me. And I may not always understand it and it may be like an old message.  But it’s still a message worthy of acknowledging and figuring out. My feelings will lie to me a lot of the time. But that’s simply because I feel paranoid about something at work. But you know that’s not necessarily true. It’s probably that I’m insecure right now and maybe that I’m not doing a good job or I’m not happy with my work. And I love that you said that our emotions are our gift. Everyone has them but we have the suicidal acceptance to engage in them more, express them more than men do. And, that’s unfortunate it’s really unfortunate.

Devina: And that’s starting to change as well. We are creating space for men to be human.  Men have it very hard as well. And going back to the gifts, a lot of us, women, have emotional strength as a gift. We also can develop other gifts, for example entrepreneurship, going in front of the camera, etc. And, one of the biggest examples is right here: I am not a gifted writer.  In fact, I failed high school. And, here I am. I wrote a book! It’s a really Sexy Brilliant book, possibly the world’s 1st ever X-rated self-help book. And, I realized that by writing, by practicing and by being committed to it, again coming back to that addiction and OCD, I am now a published author. So, practice, stay committed and don’t give up on yourself. That’s the biggest thing.  Never give up on yourself!

Marialyce: So, you published your book you just mentioned,
Too fat, too loud, and too ambitious”. Tell me about the book and what made you write it?

Devina: Like I said there was no way writing was on my horizon. But when I came into Sexy Brilliant, I was sitting at my coach’s office and he was like, you should write a book. And, I looked at him and I said, “What? Write a book? Are you kidding me?”  This can’t be true. You’re joking. But the day I came back home from the coaching session, I wanted to give it a try. I felt that I should trust my coach as I have been working with him. I just got home and started writing. And then from there on, I started keeping a journal.  Then one day I looked back and I had 30,000 words. 

I didn’t know what I was doing but there was an idea and of course that idea resonated with me. Not all ideas, you know speak to your heart. But something in this spoke to my heart.  Because what I realized was that writing or publishing is another way of adding credibility to myself. It’s another way of promoting your message and helping other people. So, just by realizing that I said, “Okay I’m gonna do it”. And, now when my book is published I feel like I am best described as an “accidental author.” Really, that’s what it is. And it’s a self-help book. It’s called Too Fat Too Loud Too Ambitious. I’m not gonna run away from myself. It’s very authentic, courageous, and brave. Demystifying the Indian culture and then the journey from this little girl who grew up in India, moved to Canada  and then started a global revolution, and SEXY BRILLIANT is a non profit mission. I was told my purpose is to be a wife, to be a mother. Forget working, forget writing. That was not how I grew up. So, here I am saying not only am I a published author, but it also is a global revolution of empowerment. So, it takes a lot of courage to just say that and to stand up to your near and dear ones and say these are your messages. I’m gonna let them go and I’m gonna go on to the next one and stay strong in my purpose. 

Marialyce: So, who are your biggest supporters on your journey of writing the book?

Devina: Well, I have never mentioned this. Actually, me and my ego. Her name is Claudia. She shows up and she’s like, “You better write a book and I wanna see it done”. Yeah, first of all going back to that self-acceptance and also connecting to your ego, becoming friends with your ego and then loving your ego. We’re told, you know, self-love is not good and ego is a bad thing. I completely disagree with that. It’s by knowing ourselves and knowing that no part of ourselves is our own enemy. So, by knowing ourselves we can connect to our ego self.  The book is also very funny by the way. As I mentioned I’m not a gifted writer but when I started doing it and when I recognized that I’ve some 30,000 words, I found somebody to help me. The book has been edited by so many professional writers. It’s gone through the grind. I’m paying them to help me create a masterpiece.

Marialyce: So, one of the things that you talk about is size acceptance in North America. And how do you confront “the thin women are sexy” kind of culture and how do you talk about it in the book? And, then how do you feel sexy? What are the things you do to make yourself feel sexy and what tips would you share?

Devina: So often we hear thin women are sexy and fat women are not sexy. So, this is where Sexy Brilliant happened.  when I was in the dating scene, I still am, I was very body conscious, self-conscious and had no self-confidence. And I would look at these thin people and I used to feel that I was competing with them. So, I used to feel that I do not even have a chance of getting a match.  Coming back to say that, it doesn’t matter and there’s room for everybody in the world. We’re all different sizes and shapes. So, the first step is to say, to empower myself to say, “I’m going to stay on the dating side. I’m going to stay here”. In my case dating helped me find Sexy Brilliant. So, I would be like, it’s not true.  These are assumptions that we have. I have them because I read about them. But as I experienced this, I was able to uncover the reality of it, which was that there were people who were finding me sexy in spite of being fat. So that validation, that should have been from inside, in my case came from the outside. When men would tell me that I am so sexy, I was like, “Really? Am I sexy? You’re the first person to ever say that.” So, you know,  we think sexy it’s the outside but actually it’s the inside. Where you’re sexy because of confidence, you’re sexy because you know who you are, you’re sexy because you know and accept yourself just the way you are and then you empower people around you. You share the message around you in your own unique way. Not all of us are in front of the camera. Not all of us can run a marathon. Not all of us want to be mothers. But each of us has the potential to influence people around us because each of us is a leader in some way. Each of us is an influencer. Say that,  look at yourself in the mirror and admire yourself for who you are. This beautiful person beyond your skin, color or size and then say that look at yourself and say, “Wow! You are a creature of the divine.” Firstly sexy is not a bad word. It’s what it is. And, by saying Sexy Brilliant, we can be sexy, we can be powerful in our sexiness, in our sexuality, in our charisma, in our personality and most importantly in our intelligence. And then we can also shine in our brilliance with our gifts that we have. We all have them. 

Marialyce: Do you have like power words or mantras that you use? Like, I have some.  When I get really down, it’s “everything’s gonna be okay”. Everything’s gonna be okay. Because it will. Everything will be okay in the end.  If it’s not the end it’s not okay. Owning it is something that I use a lot in ProudMary and my own life. Like, whatever it is about me I’m just gonna own it. Whatever is going on it’s okay because it’s mine and it’s valid. Do you use any kind of those tools?

Devina: What happens in my case is, when I go into that self-awareness and when I connect to myself, let’s say for example I wanna share something on social media and I start feeling, “Oh! maybe it’s too much and I shouldn’t share it”. And, then I realize that’s not the real me and I am only afraid of being vulnerable or exposed.  Connecting with my inner voice again and saying, “Where is that feeling of fear coming from?” That’s one thing. Always connect to yourself. The more we connect to ourselves the sexier we feel, sexier the voice gets within us. Another tool that I use is I’ll look in the mirror and I say ‘Always Sexy, Always Brilliant’. So, the mirror is like my friend. I’ll blow kisses to myself as I’m walking by because I’m so sexy, right. And, that makes me feel empowered. Another thing I use is radical self-acceptance. I talk about this a lot, like, radical self-acceptance. So, accepting that dark part. Saying that you’re fat, so what? You can change it. You can exercise or you can work towards a healthier version of yourself or you can continue to be fat. Whatever works for you.  So that’s constant practice of radical self-acceptance. Be the same person on screen, be the same person off screen. That’s where I find the challenge is.

Marialyce: Yeah, that’s a big leap, right? Being vulnerable in my daily life is very different from being vulnerable on the Internet and social media. That’s a big leap. 

Devina: Being vulnerable is different from using vulnerability. And we see that, right. Where people misuse vulnerability. But I don’t agree with that.  For example, when I see that hateful comment on a social media post of mine. I’m like, “Is this coming from love or is this coming from ego?” And we cannot always tell the difference because it’s always a question is perception. People are different, we cannot change others, only work on our issues. So, we always have to come back to self-study, self-reflection and being our own best friend. 

Marialyce: If you were to name two bold values that you live by, what would those be? I think I know the answer. And, then how do you make sure you don’t sabotage your own values? I think the second part is the harder part. How do we make sure we don’t sabotage?

Devine: The sabotage is always the fear. The ego can be a friend, the ego can be “a sabotage”. So, always connecting to the ego voice, the love voice. It’s really simple. The other day I yelled at my daughter for watching too much TV and I kind of lost it. And, later I felt horrible, I felt like a terrible mother, I felt like a failure and then I said, “Oh my god! Why did I do it?” So, that moment of anger. You know she switched the TV off but then I was like, “Did I have to do it that way?” So, it’s always constantly going back to the books and saying what did I do wrong? What can I do better or what did I do very good or can I continue doing very good? And I write this as well.  The more we listen to the inner voice the louder and the sexier it gets. 

Marialyce: So, you’re an author, a blogger, a business woman, a radio host, a tarot reader, a mother, and you’re dating and you’re part of the community, you’re close to your family. I mean this is a lot of stuff. So, what do you do to not just get it all done but to get it all done and stay true to your core? It just seems that you would have a lot of opportunity to lose yourself in all these things.

Devina: Let’s talk a little about business, about managing everything. Some days it’s very hard. I don’t know what happened recently. Two weeks ago, I felt  like I couldn’t do this. It’s too much. I said to myself, that’s it – My daughter is going to boarding school, and I’m sending my parents back home to India. There’s a lot of  fear. It’s always there. But then my purpose is bigger than my fear. And, in business often times its finances, right? I have people to pay and if business doesn’t make money how do you pay people? So, these are real fears and we all go through this.  I do have a lot of that as well. And I ask myself, “Are you in this for the short term? Are you in this for your personal gain? Or is your passion so big that it’s making a global impact?” It is knowing that my purpose is bigger than my fear. My purpose is bigger than my money worries. My purpose is bigger than all those blockages that we face. And, it’s interesting as we go into this project; what I noticed is that my team is so passionate about this as well. The other day I saw somebody was awake at 3o’clock in the morning and I’m like, “What are you doing?” And they were like, “I couldn’t sleep so I’m working on “Sexy Brilliant.” I’m like, “Don’t! go back to sleep.” But this is what it is. You’ll find the people to help you in your journey. Kind of saying that as your vibration goes up the vibration of the people surrounding you goes up as well. We’re all kind of like going up in this ladder of spiritual awakening, spiritual intelligence where the right people will find us to help us. And vice versa. We will find them and they’ll find us. 

Marialyce: You have a lot of things going on in your business. Give me a run down. There’s speaking engagement, meditation, and books. What’s going on here and how do you make money? Let’s just ask how do you make money, man?

Devina: Some days I do wonder what I am doing. So, one of the ways we make money is that we have online courses. It’s “The Power of Being Single”. Definitely something to look at. We have courses on money called “How to Make Money Your New BFF.” We also have merchant products. We are no longer in the start-up world. Things are starting to move. And, one of the things that I’m working towards is pitching my own TV show, being on the radio helps create more opportunities. So, yeah I know the book ‘Too Fat Too Loud Too Ambitious’ will help me get there faster. Again knowing what I want comes from self-knowledge. And yes it is perfectly okay being a fat, loud, ambitious woman. I have been working towards my own TV show for the longest time, it’s like going to graduate school and never seeing the light of the day. And the reason to do that is because my purpose is bigger than me. It really is and it can be very intimidating to say that like it is but being authentic is Sexy and Brilliant. But then when I make money my friend, the money energy flows. It kind of flows and like I said I’ve worked in investment banking so I’ve used a lot of that money to help me run this. But my staff is all waiting for bonuses and they are more committed than I am. And some day when I’m down they give me the strength to continue. They are like, “We have to do this. You know, let’s take a pay cut.” And I’m like, “No, no.” So, the start-up life is real but by just putting myself out there I am co creating my destiny. Sexy Brilliant is so big that I have to continue on this path. So, making that conscious choice and saying that money will come.  Thankfully we are in Canada. So, there’s a lot of funding for us, women in business. That worked for us as well. So, just by saying that no matter how difficult it gets I’m not going to give up. And neither should you. Believe in yourself, because nobody else will.

Marialyce: How long is it gonna take to get here for those of us who are planning our own start-up?

Devine: I’ve been working on it for three years full time. No, actually even more than that and now I can’t say we are a start-up anymore. We are beyond that because we are making money and selling our products and my first book. It’s great and it really is. It’s a lot of self-motivation; dedication and I look at it when I become scared, which is part of us everywhere around, right? I’m like don’t forget your mission is bigger than you. This is your legacy. So, Sexy Brilliant, the purpose is to remove toxic shame and to create more love in the world and more confidence, more radical self-acceptance and of course happiness. 

Marialyce: I have one last question. Do you think life is moving away from pain or moving closer to life and love? What do you think motivates us?

Devina: That’s a very deep question. I have to answer in the Sexy Brilliant way, right. I have struggled with mental health issues; I have struggled with so much darkness. Pain is universal but suffering is a choice. So, we always have the choice to say, “Yes there’s pain, yes it’s ugly, it’s not pleasant but how long will I stay in that pain? In that circle? It is a choice I make”. And, it comes back to radical self-acceptance. It comes back to, “Are you able to accept this new situation that’s causing you pain versus are you going to, keep creating resistance to it?” So, that’s one thing and then coming back to your pleasure question. I’m writing this blog that says pleasure is not a dirty word. So, as women especially with sexual pleasure we are always told like, no, no it’s not good. Excuse me? It is good. Pleasure is not a dirty word. And, this is much stronger because of the culture I come from. Right where sexual acceptance hasn’t happened yet. So, you know, we look at food as pleasure. We look at self-care as pleasure. So, every day do something that gives you pleasure, whatever that is. Whether that’s just feasting your eyes on something, whether that’s just nourishing your body with food, self-orgasms or orgasms with a partner or whatever it is Pleasure is not a dirty word. 

Marialyce: So, what’s your next plan? When is your book coming out, tell me?

Devina: The book is now out on amazon and kindle. It’s so exciting! Too Fat Too Loud Too Ambitious ~ Sexy Brilliant handbook is the world’s 1st ever X-rated self-help book! It’s a global revolution. Bring it on! 

Devina Kaur’s 1st book Too Fat Too Loud Too Ambitious – A Sexy Brilliant Handbook can be purchased on Amazon

For courses, radio show, and free resources including blogs please head to 

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