The Betrayal

My favorite jeans don’t fit anymore. I have had these jeans for over 7 years. Over those years my size has fluctuated. The jeans are a bit looser in the summer, a bit tighter after January. I have a closet full of clothes that work in all stages of my body’s shapes; monthly blues, super athletic, somewhat athletic, and not at all in shape aka post holiday wear. My body has always made its way back into the shape of the jeans…until this year.

At first I was just determined. That’s OK; I just need a little more time away from the holiday feeding frenzy. The jeans will fit by June.

June and July came and went. The jeans still they don’t fit.

What the hell body? What gives?

Now I just feel betrayed. How could you?? I said to my waist and hips. How could you not return to our agreed upon form? I have done my part. I eat healthy, avoid processed sugar, limit desserts and snacks, and exercise regularly. Obviously when on vacation, all rules are off, though. I actually really like fitness and exercise. So much so that I am starting an activewear business.dreamstime_s_11543544

This is not the first time my body has betrayed me. I don’t know why I am surprised. The first and most devastating time was at the age of 12 when I got my first period. I remember my horror when I learned that this was going to happen for next 40 years and my confusion as my Mother explained that it really wasn’t as inconvenient as it sounded.

It is just as inconvenient today as it was when I was 12.

Then there was puberty and suddenly my sports agility plummeted. I was a great softball player and then suddenly I wasn’t.

Now in my mid 40s I am squarely in what is termed as perimenopause and I looking down nose “the change”. It all seems very unfair.

But this is the reality for women. All women. Our bodies are driven by biology and they change and adapt in various stages of life. Women with children may understand this best.

This doesn’t change the fact that I struggle to accept the changes. My body size fluctuates throughout the year, month and sometimes day. It can be maddening. I can do my best to stay health and fit, but ultimately biology and genetics win. This is the reality of being a woman. It is really the reality of being human.


So I am saying good-bye to my favorite pair of jeans. It is time to let them go into the great beyond. Maybe they will find someone to love them again in the second-hand clothing market. I am now faced the daunting task of shopping for a new pair of jeans. The illusive perfect pair of jean we were promised in our youth, the unicorn of the female wardrobe.

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