An Act of Defiance

Right up front a few of things you should know.

1. I am not a writer. I am dyslexic and have been told my whole life I am not a writer, my writing is bad. Teachers, co-working, and bosses and have told me I am lazy and that I just don’t want to get better. *
2. I am not pretty. I am not thin. I don’t see a lot of pictures in the media of women who look like me. I am sure who the media is representing expect the young and the beautiful.

True story,  my hair is usually very short because when it is too long it looks like a dead animal on my head. When I got married I scoured bridal magazines looking for ideas for my hair. I learned that women with short hair don’t get married.

3. I am feel like a fraud. If my boss and colleagues really knew me I would be fired from my job for sure.  
4. Finally, my most deeply held secret, I am not worthy.

What the fuck do I have to say that people would want to listen to much less read? I don’t know, maybe no one will read this but my sister (Hi sis thanks for the encouragement!)

I am here out of classic defiance and I come to few realizations that maybe would save other women some pain and heartache.

• A lot of women feel like I do, OK maybe they don’t have dead animal hair, but they probably have something about themselves they don’t like, or even hate.
• Feeling insecure in my profession is so common there is a name for it – Imposture Syndrome.
• And a lot of women feel or have felt unworthy.

So in a statement of defiance – which is how I usually do things – this 40+ dyslexic is writing a blog. Maybe I will throw some bad art in there too.

* True story, my last boss actually put this in writing.